An eerily-accurate look into any given day in my new “working” life:
7:10 am – First alarm goes off. I don’t move.
7:20 am – Second alarm goes off. I don’t move.
7:30 am – Third alarm goes off. I turn over.
7:40 am – Fourth alarm goes off. I reluctantly get out of bed.
7:50 am – I am somehow back in bed. I only sat down so I could start changing clothes…how did I wind up under the covers again?
8:00 am – CRAP. I have to leave in 15 minutes. I better get out of bed.
8:15 am – Okay. I’m dressed. My hair looks fine. I should leave now but my coworkers don’t deserve to look at my face like this.
8:20 am – Whew. That’s better. Now I’m out the door. But wait! Perfume. Must splash on some perfume.
8:30 am – Whip into parking spot at work. Walk with a purpose into office.
8:45 am – Realize that most of my office isn’t here yet. Why didn’t I take an extra minute or two on my hair? It looks awful.
9:30 am – Stomach rumbles. When is lunch?
10:00 am – Lunch isn’t for hours. Looks like I have to drink this grape juice.
11:00 am – And this Diet Coke.
Noon – Lunch break, lunch break, lunch break! No one can stop me now.
1:00 pm – Well, they stopped me. Lunch break over. Why am I so tired?
2:05 pm – When will it be 5? Time for Mumford and Sons Radio!
2:30 pm – Let me just send this one Snapchat from my desk…
3:00 pm – Only two hours until the end of the day. Oooh! They sent a Snapchat back!
3:45 pm – Maybe I need to switch my Pandora station again. Alt Indie Love Songs Radio, you never fail me.
4:00 pm – Only one more hour! I can do this.
4:05 pm – I can’t do this.
4:15 pm – Pandora goes silent and asks if I’m still listening. Yes, yes I am. Because I am still somehow at work.
4:45 pm – Perhaps the clock on my computer is slow…surely it’s 5 by now.
4:55 pm – Yeah, I need a full five minutes to pack up my cell phone and purse turn off my computer. Let’s do this.
4:58 pm – Coworker asks for help/favor/information. I log back into computer, purse on my shoulder, not sitting in office chair.
5:04 pm – Why, why, why am I still here?
5:10 pm – Sweet, sweet freedom! …until I come back to work.
The rest of the night, in no particular order:
– Write letters to friends who likely will not write back.
– Watch an episode of television on Netflix or Hulu starring a lovable, quirky female lead.
– Go to the gym. Feel happy.
– Eat a sandwich. Feel happy.
– Shower and be sad that I have to wake up early and do it all again the next day. (Except this part won’t happen tonight because it’s the freakin’ weekend and I’m about to have me some fun. Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce…I’ll cut it out with the R. Kelly now.)
Note: I actually like my job, contrary to how this may make it seem. I just miss naps and mid-day Starbucks trips to write letters and reading for hours on end and going to the gym when no one else is around and having time to do things like laundry and grocery shopping. That’s all.