m&m road trips: a recipe for disaster

best friends

I’m willing to bet that I have more awful, hilarious road trip stories than just about anyone you know.  Specifically, the road trips I have taken with my best friend (and roommate) Maddie have been world-class hot messes time and time again.  I’ll explain.

1. The time we were mooned: We were minding our own business, making the long drive back from our hometown to college after a break.  As a car approaches in the left hand lane next to us, we notice a commotion inside the car.  They were trying to wave to us!  How friendly and wonderful!  Suddenly–BOOM.  Butt against car window.  Mooned.  We were stunned and as Maddie sped trying to get away from the crazy people, they gunned it and attempted to drive next to us, female passenger’s butt fully exposed.

2.  The time I had to call the cops: A car was driving like a maniac, weaving in and out of traffic and at one point driving between two 18-wheelers on the highway.  I called the police to report him and we watched as the state trooper nabbed the guy a couple of minutes later.  I felt like a hero.  And also like a tattletale.

3. The time we tried to get from Gainesville to I-10 and wound up in Georgia: Maddie was driving.  Assuming she knew the way (we were going home for a break; it’s not like there’s more than one route) as she’d driven it before, I didn’t pay much attention to navigation.  BIG MISTAKE.  Turns out neither of us was watching the signs until I saw a Florida welcome center sign and asked Maddie why we would be passing that.  It wasn’t until we saw the “We’re Glad Georgia’s On Your Mind” sign that we knew of our detour.

4. The time a tire ignited in front of our eyes: We were driving behind an 18-wheeler, headed to the land where dreams come true (also known as Disney).  I saw a spark hit the road in front of us and I complained something like, “Ugh!  How rude!  That trucker flicked his cigarette at us!”  Maddie noted that it looked like there were multiple sparks, actually.  As we watched from literally two car lengths behind, the 18-wheeler’s tire COMBUSTED.  Smoke.  Fire.  Flames.  THE TRUCKER DROVE ON.  It was a solid three more minutes before he realized something was up and pulled over (meanwhile we were doing psycho sign language from the car trying to signal to him that he is on fire).

5. The time we got lost, almost ran out of gas and wound up at a dilapidated gas station: The title on this one speaks for itself, except for the fact that it’s important to note that we were in Orlando (a big city compared to Gainesville) and we were both 18 years old and female (i.e. not good drivers.  I’m sorry but it’s true).  Naturally, we called our parents for help (mainly directions, as our iPhones decided they’d stop working) and both my dad, who finally answered the phone after I called 7 times–he was on a date, and her mom yelled at us for not having an atlas in the car.  It was 2011.  WHO CARRIES AN ATLAS ANYMORE?!  Apparently anyone over 50.

These are just the tip of the iceberg.  There was also another almost-running-out-of-gas incident (we aren’t stupid, I swear), a friend’s tire going flat in the middle of Miami, and me getting…let’s just say, ill…multiple times at various gas stations and truck stops all along I-10.

HOWEVER, for all of these terrible stories of bad luck, poor directional skills and an utter lack of common sense, Maddie and I also have had some really cool things happen to us on our road trips.  It wouldn’t be fair to leave those out completely, so look out for that post coming next!